We’ve noticed that we have some very British quirks over the last few weeks. Here’s our guide to being a very British traveller. (I feel the need to mention that this is a joke just so it doesn’t offend anyone – we are making fun of ourselves. This comment is a great example of the below, sorry sorry, don’t be offended, everyone is different etc etc).
When people are rude to you, say a passive aggressive comment under your breath to your partner, and then bitch about it over wine later. Later still, Google the disagreement to make sure you were in fact correct all along (of course, you were) – even though this gives you little comfort. Lie in bed that night and think of great comebacks that you’ll never say.
If you pay over the odds, despite your best bartering practice, seethe about it for three weeks (no more, no less), and bring it up every time you have to buy something.
When kindly offered food by a local, uncomfortably eat pork despite being vegetarian, and then pretend to be full so you don’t cause offence.
Make sure the first 3 words you learn in any new language are ‘sorry’, ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Especially ‘sorry’, that’s one you’ll need.
When you go to a cafe for WiFi and they dont have it, buy a cup of coffee anyway so that it doesn’t look like you just want them for WiFi.
Always carry toilet roll.
Dress like a travelling action man despite locals doing the same things as you in flip flops.
Be unhappy about taking off your shoes in a restaurant.
When you want to look at an item in a market, but you don’t necessarily want to buy it, tell the stall owner that you’re going to ‘Take a walk, and you’ll come back round.’ This means absolutely nothing, and a straight ‘no thank you’ would obviously be better, but you don’t want to offend the stall owner.
When buying an item repeatedly ask your partner or group what they think. Should you buy it? What do you think about this orange top?
A short lesson in bartering: Have a go, all the while fighting the urge to apologise for your behaviour.